woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
