I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
