I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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