I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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