Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Who died my cat blue again?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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