I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No subtext here. People are naked.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
