Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
