my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
