i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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