He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
