No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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