U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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