Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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