I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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