i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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