so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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