I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Randomize
