: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
