Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
