He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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