well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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