I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
