I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
