does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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