omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
