shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Randomize
