it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
