You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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