My liver just broke up with me...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
