That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
