I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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