what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
