I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
