i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
