break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
