you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
