It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
