Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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