Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
