His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
