One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
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I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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