what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
