in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
