FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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