i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
