Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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