Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
