So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
