id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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