I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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