she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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