So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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