I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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