Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
