If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
