She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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