Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
