Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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