tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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