Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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