I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
