You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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