I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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