Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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