I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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